What if
by xX-Natasja-Xx
Summary: Kate is afraid of what will happen when she confesses her love to Castle. But when she does she couldn't be happier. A one-shot about Kate thinking back about that one special day in June. I kinda suck at summary's but I promise the story is much better. Please R&R Caskett pairing FINISHED


**What if:**

**Disclaimer**:Don't own a thing, only mistakes I make and this idea I put on paper.

Tittle and lyrics belongs to Esmee Denters – What if  
**  
Authors note: **Just an idea for a one-shot that pulled up into my head, while listening to this song.. I love writing on some lyrics, they give me inspiration.  
Anyways, I hope you will like it and tell me what you think In a review! (I'm not begging just asking nicely =) )

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_I can remember all the times I tried to tell you__  
__Just what was on my mind but I couldn't find the words to say__  
__I'm so confused by the thought of you and me together__  
__And I'm afraid you might not feel the same_

I was sitting on my desk this Friday in June, starring at this blank paper on my computer. I was trying to get the report I was supposed to write done for the evening so I could start fresh with a new case without any paperwork from an old case that I still had to finish.  
My only problem was, as much that I wanted to get this report done my thoughts were on a other place and time. I thought back about the evening before, the dream I've had was just so intense it almost looked like it was real. After getting shot and Richard telling me that he loved me I couldn't think straight anymore, my mind had been everywhere besides on the place it should have been.. in the present.

I sighed and snapped out of my daydream once again, when I felt a warm and strong men's hand on my shoulder. I didn't even have to look up to see who's hand it was. I turned around and met the dark blue eyes who belonged at him, I quickly looked away, not wanting to be carried away in my thoughts again by drowning into his eyes. "Castle, what is it?" I asked with a tone that sounded irritating by being interrupted, hoping that he still would believe my act.

Richard smiled at me "I was just wondering if you would join me, Esposito and Ryan for dinner? We were going to that small restaurant on the corner.. So euhm would you join us?" He asked me while he flashed me his puppy eye look, that he used single times if he wanted me to do something.

I took a quick look at the clock on her computer, it was already 18:15 and I still got nothing on paper. I thought about going with them for a minute before looking back at Richard again "Castle, as much as I am wanting some food, I still need to write my report. It needs to be finished tonight" I told him although I was feeling a bit sad about not going with them, but right now I needed to think about some things first.

Castle seemed sad when I told him that I wasn't going to join them, and my stomach turned around feeling sad about the fact I was disappointing him all over  
again. He smiled a weak smile at me "Another time then" he answered me before walking away from me.

"Yeah another time" I quickly replied, not sure if he would be able to hear it though.  
I sighed and went back to my report and started actually working on it this time.

_Even if you did__  
__Would it change everything__  
__And we could try__  
__So maybe it's not meant to be_

Later that evening I was laying in my bed, unable to catch some sleep. The sandman must forgotten my house I thought to myself for a moment.  
I've been tossing and turning around for two hours already, and I decided to get up to get some hot milk with honey. Hoping that this would help. I sat up and turned around to get out of my bed, I put on some slippers before getting up. The bed squeaked underneath my weight and I sighed, it was getting time for a new bed. I really couldn't stand the fact of furniture making noise. I muttered something underneath my breath, not even sure what I was saying myself before I walked over to the chair standing in the corner of my room. I shivered a bit from the cold air that hit my skin, I grabbed my bathrobe from the chair and put it on.

I walked towards her kitchen, opened the refrigerator and got a milk carton. Then I opened a cabin to get a mug before placing the mug on the sideboard, and pouring some milk in it before picking it up again and placing it in the microwave.

It didn't take long before the milk was heated up and after putting a spoon with honey in it I walked over the couch, grabbing my remote control I started to search for something to watch. Since it had been midnight already there was besides Friends nothing interesting on TV anymore. .

I watched friends for like 15 minutes until my thoughts ended up with the subject Castle again. We've met 4 years and although I thought he was a block on my leg while working we had this click with each other immediately. He was good looking, funny and such a gentle man, He was the type of man that you wouldn't see much anymore these days. It took me 1.5 years to realize I was falling for him, and I must say I was falling hard. Then he told me that he loved me and I couldn't be happier, but on the other side it made me sad, because I knew that I couldn't give in to my feelings. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship yet, I just got shot and I couldn't handle it at that time, I just couldn't drag him into my issues, my mom being killed, me being shot for investigating my mother's case. No I just couldn't lose him over that, lose our friendship over that.

I have thought about telling him the truth, telling him that I love him too. But I just was so afraid that our friendship would end, and that things would turn out the wrong way. Who said that friendship could be the basis to a great relationship, no one could assure me that, and I was just afraid to lose everything if things didn't work out between the both of us.

I snapped out of my thoughts when my mobile buzzed, I reached over for it and flipped it open just too see that Castle send me a message. I opened the text _"Can't sleep, what are you doing? X. C." _The text said and a smile appeared on my face. I quickly send him a replay _"Can't sleep either, watching friends and u? xx K."_

_What if we fail__  
__What if what if__  
__It doesn't work out__  
__What if what if__  
__Thinking about__  
__What if what if__  
__What if what if__  
__What if what if_

I stepped out of my car, still wondering how Castle managed me to come to this bar at 1.30am. normally I always refused to come out in the middle of the night when he asked me before. I smiled at the fact that he always knew how to convince me to do something I actually said no too. I started to walk towards this small town bar when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Although I knew who's hand it was I jumped and turned around, hitting him on the chest "Castle, stop scaring me"

Richard chuckled at me "I thought you weren't scared of a thing" he joked

"Well since the person that shot me is still walking around somewhere I am scared" I harshly replied to him, immediately feeling regret coming up, knowing that it wasn't his fault "Sorry, I've shouldn't have said that" I said as I looked him in his blue eyes while flashing him an apologetic smile.

Richard was startled by her reaction, she knew he was joking around right? He felt hurt coming up to him and he wondered why she snapped at him. Then she looked at him and told him he was sorry, and he noticed on her facial expression she regretted what she said.. he flashed me a small smile and he put his hand on my shoulder while looking me into the eye "it's okay, I shouldn't have done that" he started before continuing 'come let's get something to drink" he told as we started to walk towards the bar.

* * *

"So what is the reason that you couldn't sleep?" I asked him as I took a sip of my beer, not noticing that it left a mustache of beer on my upper lip.

Richard chuckled at me and I gave him a not understanding glare, which made him chuckle even more. He stroked with his thumb the little mustache on my upper lip away and he looked up at me. A shiver went through his spine while touching her skin, and at the same time a shiver went through mine loving the feeling of him touching me.

"just a cute mustache" he said before turning back to the conversation we were having. "you know just teenage daughters, who soon will graduate from school and leave me all alone in this big house" he looked down at his beer "I just can't believe she will be gone in a couple of months, she grows up just to fast" he looked up at me "maybe I just have to lock her up at her own room, that way she isn't going anywhere at all" he laughed

I chuckled at his last sentence "Then I have to arrest you, because last time I checked that is called keeping hostage and that's still illegal I believe" I laughed before turning serious "But yeah I know, Alexis is such a woman already, I mean she already when I met her, but since then… sometimes I believe that she is way smarter than I ever can be" I told him, and I have to admit that at first I couldn't believe that this smart kid was his child. Castle himself could be such a kid sometimes,(what I have to admit also was refreshing in a strange way) And Alexis was just so mature, a real women..

Castle smiled at me "she is, I'm going to miss her" he said "but what is the reason that you couldn't catch some sleep? I mean what is going on in your pretty head?" He asked as he looked up at me.

I wasn't ready for this question yet, what did I have to answer him? The truth? Hmm hell no! I played with my ring for a minute before answering "I guess I just wasn't tired enough and since the sandman skipped my house this evening I couldn't sleep" I lied, hoping he would let it go since I couldn't think of a better lie to tell him.

Castle just swallowed another sip of his beer before chuckling, but he noticed something being off on my answer to him, he knew I wasn't telling the truth. He just couldn't understand why I would hide something from him.

"Is it your mom's case?" he asked carefully, not wanting to hurt me.

I looked up at him, while I felt my eyes sting "it is one of the reasons yes" I admitted to him

Richard moved his hand on top of mine, so that he was stroking my hand with his thumb. Again a shiver went through my body, the effect he had on my while touching me. I started blushing, and I hoped that he wouldn't notice.

"you know we will catch the man who did it, you know that right?" Richard asked me "we will do everything we can to help you with it, you can always count on me even when its 4 in the morning" he smiled.

"I know" I said softly "thank you"

Richard smiled "why thank me? That's what friends are for right?"

I nodded before taking another sip, I was glad to have such great friends like Castle, Esposito and Ryan.

_Now I don't know where to go__  
__And who to turn to__  
__It has always been you__  
__But I don't wanna lose you__  
__Not this way__  
__I'm not even sure if it's real what I feel__  
__But I know that I need you__  
__But I'm afraid you might not feel the same_

"Thank you" I said as I unlocked my seatbelt, since I had a little too much to drink I wasn't able to drive back home, Richard then offered me a ride. I looked at my watch, noticing that it was already 4.47am. I chuckled "I'm glad that I requested the weekend off" I said as I looked at him

"I know, I am too, and you are welcome I wouldn't let you walk back home at this hour" he joked.

"I really should go" I told him as my eyes were still attached on his face, He looked damn hot this night and it became harder and harder for me to resist him.

Richard nodded as he watched me, I still sat there with no intention of getting out.  
He smiled at me as he undid his belt and reached over with his hand to my face, touching my cheekbone, before bending over towards me and brushing his lips against mine, not sure if I wanted the same as he wanted.

I was a little surprised by his actions but when his lips brushed against mine, I couldn't stop myself anymore and I kissed him, I wasn't able to resist him anymore.

Richard returned my kiss and I felt his tongue against my teeth, causing me to open up my mouth a bit for him, giving him permission to enter with his tongue. It only took him a couple seconds before he entered and our tongues started to play a catch me if you can game with each other. We only broke away from each other when we both needed some air.

I looked up at him and before I knew the following words escaped my mouth "Come with me" I said before kissing him again, then I broke up the kiss again and I left the car heading towards the front door of the building. By the time I reached my floor Richard joined me and kissed me hard on my soft lips. We just managed to get in the house before we stared to undress each other and I led him towards my bedroom, were we made hot and steamy love to each other in my squeaking bed.

_Even if you did__  
__Would it change everything__  
__And we could try__  
__But maybe it's not meant to be_

The next morning I woke up in Richards arms, they felt so comfortable. I smiled at him as I noticed that he was awake and watching me "You always stare at woman who sleep?" I asked him with a huge grin on my face.

Richard smiled at me before placing a kiss on my lips "only when they are beautiful when they sleep" he answered me

I was still smiling at him "We need to talk about last night" I said while I turned serious, afraid for telling him my fears.

"Why, what is wrong Kate?" He asked me with a worrying tone, afraid that I regretted the last night. "I mean I love you Kate, and I've noticed something between the both of us, am I wrong?" He asked.

I shook my head no "You are right, I have feelings for you but I never gave in because I'm so afraid of ruining everything between us. What if us being together doesn't work out? What if this way we ruin our friendship and when it doesn't work out we have nothing left.. We can lose everything we have this way, and I don't want to lose anything between us. Us being together will change everything but what if isn't meant to be? Castle.. Richard I'm afraid of losing you, I've lost so many things in my life again and I can't lose you because I want to be with you, because I couldn't keep my feelings in control…." I couldn't finish my sentence because Richard cut me off with a kiss on my lips.

"everything will be fine, we just have to take a day at a time" He said as he took my hand in his.

"I guess you are right" I said as I kissed him "I'm just afraid of losing you" I told him as a tear escaped my eye.

Richard kissed away my tears before answering me "you won't ever lose me, I am still here after all these years, aren't I" He said as he squeezed my hand.

I just nodded at him, he was still here and deep down I knew that he would never leave me.

_What if we fail__  
__What if what if__  
__It doesn't work out__  
__What if what if__  
__Thinking about__  
__What do we do__  
__When all breaks down_

2 years later.

I think back at that special day, that day in June 2 years ago when Richard and I became a couple. I smile to myself. Everything worked out perfect a couple months later I got my mom's killer and 6 months later our wedding was. It was soon, we know that but we knew each other already for 4,5 years by that time, we thought it was time to confess our love to the world. Richard's writing is going so great, he is writing his 4th Nikky Heat book by now.

I smile as I think back at all things that I had done in my life, there isn't a thing that I regret! I still am glad that Richard convinced me to come to that small bar that evening, otherwise I'm not sure anything of this ever would have happened.

I look at our newborn: Kaitlyn Talia Beckett-Castle from 1 day old, who is asleep on my chest. Richard and I have been blessed with two little kids, Kaitlyn and her twin brother Blake Tyson Beckett-Castle who is asleep on Richard his chest.

Yeah, my life never could had taken a better turn, I smile as I look at my perfect family.

-Kate Beckett.

_What if you feel the way I feel__  
__We could try__  
__But it could all go wrong in the end__  
__And I don't want us to fall apart__  
__Maybe it's better to stay friends_

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**Thank you for reading =) I hope you liked this one shot, let me know what you think of it and leave an review for me. **(also when you have some tips for me to improve my stories and English) **my apologies if there were some grammatical errors, I'm from Holland so English is not my native language **(wish it was though)


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